Cousin Jackie

Going to the Cities tomorrow morning to pick up my cousin Jackie! She lives in California. Is she nuts leaving that sunny weather and coming up here to the cold in Minnesota. It should be the other way around I should be the one going down there and visiting her. But I am so glad she is coming to visit and we will have some fun. She is going to stay with me this whole weekend and that means a good time. My plans are to pick her up at 1120 a.m. at the airport, then do a little shopping at the Mall of America. Then head home and see how she feels if she wants to hit the town and have a few drinks.
She is so outgoing and never afraid of trying new things but on the other hand she can also be reckless and so out there. My life is normal and simple plus I don't like a lot of attention brought on me so that makes us totally opposite. This weekend I will break open my fragile shell that surrounds me and TRY to break out, like I have a choice when I am with her!!

Sick and alone

It's the weekend and I am home sick!! When people are sick WHY do they come to work??? I am not talking a little cold but when they look like they are knocking on their death bed. STAY HOME!!! I tried to stay away from them washing my hands all the time and now my hands are so dry and chapped they hurt to now!
Yep, I am in one of my moods again! Like I am mad at the world and I am ready for a good fight! I tell myself just relax and don't be so stressed out, but then my other side kicks in and says screw off and lets put up a fight with anything. See I am not a happy person today! I don't want to talk to anyone my answering machine is screening my calls. I feel if I do talk to anyone I will regret it later! THIS REALLY SUCKS! I really don't like being this way BUT BUT......... I don't have anything for a good excuse! My friends THINK they know why!!!!??????? LACK OF SEX!!! I hear that all the time and it's so old!
Sounds like I have a spilt personality, HA HA! Good that I can look back and laugh but sometimes it's not funny at all. Maybe I have to much on my mind and I am to overwhelmed by everything and just lose control. I do feel a little better now venting!!
Jim and I are still talking to each other but not as much. We talked and I told him that I really don't want anything serious now. I think there was no spark for me and that is why I didn't want to go any more farther with him. But I want him as a friend I don't want to lose that with him. I just have this feeling he cant except that just a friendship with me, but I never got those feeling with him.
Blah Blah!! My life!!!

Date

Last night I went out with Jim for the 3rd time, it was so intense! We went out for supper which the food was excellent! Then he turned on me he starting making all these plan for us, moving together and having kids and on and on. I was so thrown off I didn't talk I had this shock stare (I would loved to seen it) and didn't know what to say or do! I was thinking to myself did I through off any mixed messages with him! We haven't got real imitate yet, kissing and some physical touching but it been real basic dates getting to know each other. I do like him and enjoy being with him but I want to take it slow and make sure this the only one for me. I always said when I got married I will always stay married to the end, I am divorced now. That is whole another story I was thrown a loop and I have learned by it. I do like him so I have to be honest with him and tell him how I feel and what I want out of this relationship and see how it goes from there.

Changes

Moving into my apartment was a lot of work, tired just thinking about it. It's so nice that I am in a new place which is all for myself. The house was great but it had a lot of memories in it and I want to start fresh. Still deciding if I want my girlfriend to move in with me, but right now I like it by myself. It's something I did on my own and can handle by myself, but I know she wants and needs a place to soon.

Had a crappy day at work, tried to get everything done and everyone wanting more from me. I would like to say I am only one person two legs and two arms do it yourself! I think some people are just lazy and tries to push it on others. And I am the fool that does it to so I bring it on myself.

Fanatic Thanksgiving

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving! My Thanksgiving was terrific just being with all my family is all I ask for and that is what I am so thankful for is my family. With all the hussle and bussle in this world we don't get a chance to sit down and be thankful for what we all have in our life. This day I can just sit around with my family and just enjoy myself and have no worries. Also, allot of my friends come home to visit their families for Thanksgiving and we all get together the next day and have a crazy time. So, Friday and Saturday was a real blur for me I think I had a little to much fun. Sunday was my day to rest and get back into my old groove again for Monday morning.

Unhappy or stressed

I knew right away this morning when I heard my alarm go off that today will suck! It's like everything that I touched or looked at went to hell. It started out like this, I had this one outfit that I was going to wear that day in your head and then I find out it's still in the dirty clothes. Can't get my eye contract in my eye! Doing my hair and this one little piece of hair will not work for me and that little piece of hair can screw up my whole hair style. Breakfast spilled my drink have to stop and take time to clean that up! Get into my vehicle and I forgot to put gas in yesterday and I am late already can't stop for gas so I am praying that I can just get to work! When driving I get behind someone that shouldn't be driving and I am freaking out by now! Got into work thank you God I made it! I have to tell you that I pray to God a lot because I am really bad at filling up my gas tank I wait till the last minute to do it and one of these times I won't be so lucky!
Work, I cant tell you how many time I had to do things twice. You know when you crumble up paper and throw it in the trash can, yep missed it everytime. I could go on with this but I won't! Now that I am looking back on my day I think it's funny. I am thinking why did I get so upset over those small stuff? I freak out and threw yes a tantrum, will that make it better? At first its like a fix for me but then I look back and realize it wasn't that bad and why did I act that way. I just have to learn not to stress out about the small stuff in life, but I need a lot of work to get to that point!

Why me????

I think I have finally got out of my slump! I was feeling poor me feel sorry for me attitude. I am bouncing back to my old but new exciting me! Yes, after the divorced it was hard and very painful but I am not alone I am not the only one that has gone through it! You know I did try everything to make it work and he just didn't have that commitment to have a family!! We just had different ideas for our marriage and I now can live with that! I can finally stop saying Why me?